Australia – An Ashton Irwin fanfic

I only finish about 1/10 of the fanfics that I start to read. 7/10 are closed before I even finish the first chapter and 2/10 I give up on after about 5 chapters. If as an author, you ever come across one of my reviews, please take it as a compliment that your story was even finished and chosen for a review. No matter how many things I complain about, I finished reading it.

Australia is probably one of my favorite fan fictions that I have found. Please note that After was the first non-Harry Potter fan fiction I ever read, and although I complained about it the entire time I read it, every story I read is slightly compared to that. That being said, this is the best one I’ve read since then (although, I’ve read a lot of shitty stories so I don’t know if that is saying much).

Juliette is in her Junior year of high school when she joins an exchange program and goes to school in Australia for a year. Her and her best friend, Caleb, are excited for the opportunity, but Juliette has promised herself ‘No Flings’ which, seems like a silly commitment to make considering she’s never even hugged a boy romantically. Of course her first day of class she meets none other than Ashton Irwin. Ashton is sexy as fuck (my words, not hers), but she does her best to resist his forward attempts to charm her.

She’s interested though, and Caleb gives her the push she needs to accept his offer. After one over-the-top romantic date, Juliette is already dreaming of the “L-word” and Caleb is suspicious of this new guys intentions. J and C fight and J continues dating A. It’s perfect bliss for months, but then comes the jealousy. Ashton is jealous of the friendship Juliette has built with his best friend and band mate Luke, Juliette is jealous of Ashton’s childhood friend (and permanent cling on), Charli, who happens to be sleeping with Caleb. Then Luke shows up with a new girl and Juliette is jealous of her, but new-girl kisses Ash…. and hell.

The story fucking ends.

Seriously, the chick hasn’t updated in 3 months and it’s killing me! I honestly just want to know what happens when she goes back to America. Does Ash and his band become famous and move to America too? Does Juliette decide to stay and live in Australia? I guess we’ll never know because some people don’t understand that when you start a fanfiction, it is a commitment! #DeadBeat

He’s No Good – Zayn Malik

Eleven million views and 200K votes. The writer is not a native English speaker (She’s from Switzerland or some shit). Despite this setback, it’s pretty good.

The story starts as Zoe begins her last year of high school at a new school. She falls into a group of cool friends: Harry, Liam, Danielle, Niall, Tamara, and Louis. But when her neighbor whom she’s only met briefly on her way to school, gives her a sly smile across the lunch room, they all warn her to stay away from him. Zayn is a murderer they say. But if he’s a murderer, what’s he doing in high school? Zoe finds out as she continues to grow closer to the mysterious boy next door.

Zayn is the tatted up delinquent with a dark past. Since his latest run in with the law, he is trying to straighten out his life, while still remaining close to his boys that have his back (and his secrets). What better motivation than the sexy new virgin across the street.

So the Negatives:

- Zayn is a fuck up because his daddy use to abuse him and his mom. Seriously, this is getting really overdone, but, I’ve come to accept that that’s all I’m ever going to find in a fan fiction.
– The writer is not a native English speaker and this is apparent in certain chapters, but overall, it is mostly unnoticeable.
- The ending. Seriously, probably the worst ending I’ve ever read in a story. And although there is a sequel, it’s actually a prequel, so the story ending is very abrupt and strange.

Positives:

- The one time Zayn cries, it’s a justified reason, and he does more breaking things than crying. He also is embarrassed by it. As a real man should be.
– The sex scenes are spot on!

**EDIT: So it turns out the ‘abrupt’ ending was because the book wasn’t completed. I found the book while searching wattpad for completed stories so I was confused, but I spoke with the author today and she is still writing! =) I’ll be more careful next time 08/31/14

 

VMA Weekend Recap – Saturday

So as I logged into WordPress to write this review, I noticed there was a new post from the only person I follow on here, Jackie @ thebitchbible.com and she was talking about how ‘recaps’ are boring, and for half a second i thought, should i? But then I thought, “what the hell is the point in going if I don’t get to brag about it for a week afterwards?” So here we go:

My #VMA2014 weekend started on Saturday. my friend Brittney got us tickets to the Taco Bell (classy eh?) Artist’s to Watch Pre-VMA party. We pile 6 of us into a 5-seater car, pump up the old school 1D music (Ma-Ah-Ah-Gic), and try not to piss myself on the one hour drive in traffic to downtown LA.

At this point in the day, I had had a gallon of ice tea and a 32oz can of Redbull. I felt every bump we went over and was seriously considering pissing in a cup. We finally got off the freeway and I hopped out of the car the moment it stopped. I ran down the street to the nearest restaurant that wanted me to buy something just so I could piss in their bathroom. I promised I’d get something afterwards if they would just hand me the fucking key. But no, bitch wanted to sit on her damn cell phone and ignore the 23 year old girl doing a potty dance in a crop top right in front of her.

Enough about that though, this is about the VMA’s after all. Kind of. So once I relieved myself we stood in line for an hour waiting to get wrist banded and herded in. I love to people watch so line waiting can be a fun experience for me. May I just say that casting and ticket agencies really need to do a better job at giving a dress code? Everyone’s interpretation of  “casual, hip & trendy” are SO different that I’m not sure if they ever get what it is they’re looking for. On one end you’ve got chicks in board shorts and baseball T’s which, even if you’re a lesbian, is NEVER cute, and on the other end you’ve got 16 year olds in floor length ball gowns with 8″ platforms. (Spice Girls much?). I think I hit the mark with a jean crop top and white skirt. There was one girl though, who made sure everyone was trying to hit her mark. You know how dresses and skirts have this cute little inverted V cut out in front of the vag area ( subliminal message), this chicks was cut out so you could see her vag. Personally, I think she should have been arrested for indecent exposure, but, maybe that’s my inner Sunday-school teacher coming out.

Once in the club, it was really nice. I’m not much of a dancer, I have no hips, no rhythm, and country girl genes. After a shot of Fireball and an Adios I was feeling like I at least wanted to try. They played typical, top 40, club type music while we waited for the first Artist to Watch to take the stage.

White Arrows comes on stage and like 20 girls started screaming. I looked at my friend like “wtf is there to scream about? None of them are cute.” I really have nothing to say about this performance other than the lead singer was really creepy, kept rolling his eyes into the back of his head (earning him the name ‘demon man” by most of the crowd) and he totes took some chicks into a back room afterwards. #TooUglyForGroupies The best part was when they finished and chicks came out of the sides to give burritos to the crowd. Straight up – burritos were flying everywhere, and for me being short I actually got quite a few.

Next up was another group I had never heard of called Bleachers. The guy was dressed a bit strange, actually, they all were. Lead singer had on some shorts with his boxers hanging out below the cuffs, one of the drummers had a crew neck sweater with the sleeves cut off, and another guy was trying to dress like Harry Styles with his fedora and floral print top. #Failed I didn’t know any of their music, but, the guy was totally fun getting the crowd involved and jumping down into the audience. My friend was convinced he was a Jew and he confirmed this by saying he was from New Jersey.

Lastly there was the act everyone had been waiting for – Charli XCX. I was expecting an old bald black guy  (seriously, I’m clueless to the world outside my fandom) so I was surprised to see a 17 year old girl in a nightie and bathrobe. She was decent, I recognized a few songs. I found it super creepy that she was letting guys in the front row reach up and rub her legs, but hey, when you have mediocre talent, I guess that’s how you get places in life.

Anyway, we were ready to get out of there and head to the Four Seasons to do some 5SoS stalking. What does it say about my life when I would rather wait outside a hotel in the dead of the night over dancing at a club? #Pathetic Obviously it was pointless as we didn’t see anyone other than some creepy ass cab drivers trying to decide if I was a prostitute and some Twitter personality known as Stalker Sarah.  (Apparently I was supposed to know who this is?)

At 1:30am, we finally decided it was time to head back to Cerritos. Half of us had tickets for the VMAs the next morning and needed to be up early. The alcohol I drank wasn’t able to overpower the amount of caffeine I had had earlier in the day and I was still wound up and hyper. Which was for the best because at 2:30am, one mile from our exit off of the 605 freeway, we hit something and popped a tire.

Now I’ve always wondered what sort of disaster would come of a blown tire on the freeway, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had imagined. We were able to navigate our way to the shoulder and, once everyone was assured that we were still alive, we laughed. It’s now technically Sunday morning, no place is open, we’re all dressed like hookers, and no one has their AAA card.

By 3:30am we’ve got a tow truck on the way, Brittney’s fiance has come to trade us cars so some of us can get home before the police get there and see we have more people than seat belts, and him and Britt are staying to wait for help to come. So I get back to Britt’s place with her sister and decide that I’m just gonna sleep there, not even trying to drive back to Ontario at that point.

4:30am hits. I’m finally make-up free, in pajamas, curled under blankets, and a wide-a-frigging-wake! Sarah and I are up talking about Michael Clifford fanfics, cause I mean, whats better than that (except for my Liam one of course) when she get’s a text. Apparently some rapper got stabbed at Chris Browns pre-party, and it was at that point, that i decided it was time to sleep.

 

Everybody Needs Somebody 》clifford a.u

2.8mil views and nearly 80K votes – this really doesn’t mean much to me accept that most 12 year old girls have low standards when it comes to fantasies.

Clair, who has never met her father, flies out to Florida for his funeral. Here she meet’s Michael Clifford, an old employee of her dad’s who also happens to be buddy-buddy with her grammy that she will be spending the rest of the summer with. Michael starts off the introductions with telling Clair that she should stay away from him because he’s bad news (how very Edward Cullen of him) and then goes on to spend every available moment chasing her while never doing anything that we even remotely consider him to be a ‘bad boy’ other than cussing and occasionally staying out all night (all though it’s just to visit the cliff where his dad committed suicide, so it’s not like he’s partying or anything)

Oh yeah – Michael’s dad committed suicide, so like every other fucking fan fiction character, Michael has daddy issues and he cries about it. So very original.

Some positives:

- a summer romance

- constant bickering and little fights

- mild sex scenes (nothing exciting)

- some jealousy

- it ended exactly the way I wanted it too! Exactly what I was hoping for out of the epilogue.

Some negatives:

- The unoriginality of Mikey’s character.

- The main character is a fucking bitch. Straight up! She fucking whines that her and Michael never do anything but play video games (sign me up PLEASE!) but every time he takes her out to do something cute, she bitches and complains about it. I’m sorry but if Michael wanted to hold me and brush lips in a dirty ass pond, I’d kiss the fucker – not bitch that there was mud in between my toes #RedNeckProblems

 

Overall – it’s worth a read, but you’ll find yourself yelling at the main character often. I would rate it 3.2 out of 5

 

 

Walls (Michael Clifford)

So as I mentioned in my review for The Chase, when it comes to 5SoS, I am now a Mikey girl. I can’t get over his perfect lips! Seriously, I’ve never been into lips before but that boy has got my fantasies headed in a new direction.

Walls has over 2 million reads and 60k votes, but so do a lot of shit stories so I’m not completely sold on the promise of numbers yet. This story is like a 2 on the depression scale (a 10 being After status), I liked it because it was real and comfortable.

Michael and Maddie meet, rush into a ‘more than friendship’ situation but never #DTR. Part way through the summer you’ve got holding hands, kissing, and nightly sleepovers, but no relationship status. Maddie is trying to convince herself that they’re just friends, and that’s the way she wants it, when in reality she just doesn’t want to feel rejected by the fact that he doesn’t call her his girlfriend. Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. It’s real. So when they DO finally #DTR and become the perfect, cutest couple in town, mom walks in on a sleepover and Michael flee’s, not to be heard from again for weeks. Again, very real.

And if that isn’t enough drama, when things are finally patched up and all is well again, mom drops the news on Maddie that they’re moving. #TeenageProblems

Overall, I really enjoyed this fanfic. It may just be the lack of quality fics around, but I really felt like, for the most part, the situations were real and relatable. Of course no story is perfect so here were my issues:

-Mikey does have some ‘daddy issues’ and cries once or twice. In case you haven’t noticed, I hate this character trope, but it’s a minor enough plot point that it doesn’t kill the story for me.
-The ‘author’ REALLY overdoes the ‘describing’ of the Maddie’s personality as someone who shuts people out and isn’t very personable, but it’s hard to believe since the character never does that. The story honestly could have done without the personality explanation since it didn’t fit the character anyway, but, then the title wouldn’t have made sense.

This is a definite read though! And I don’t say that about many stories!

The Chase || Ashton Irwin

The Chase has over 7 million reads and 130K votes and almost 100 chapters. With this much attention, it sounded like a good story to try out. I’ve been writing my own 1D fan fiction so I avoid reading others, just so that their personalities don’t infiltrate my own. This of course leaves me reading 5SoS fics most of the time.

The Chase is about (drum roll please) a nerdy ass smart girl, starting a new school, falling into the semi-popular crowd, and being told to avoid the “bad punk/goth” guys by her new friends.

But who can avoid a punk’d out and moody Ashton Irwin, especially when he sits across from you in class (on the days he decides to show up) smelling like pot and dirty clothes. Maybe it’s the 20+ y/o in me who looks for more in a guy than their high school social status, but the moment I found out this dude lived in an abandoned trailer in the middle of fucking no where, I would have ran. Not only is it the perfect setting for a rape case, but that’s not the type of shit you want to marry into – and I see no point in dating a guy that I know damn well I would never marry. Again, #AdultProblems.

Of course despite her rich, uptight, nerdy upbringing, she’s able to overlook Ashton’s unfortunate situation. When she’s ousted by the in-crowd for hanging with the outsiders (oh how cliche), she becomes a burn out delinquent whose disrespectful towards her parents (who are quite obviously in an abusive relationship of their own), skips class, smokes, and vandalizes property.

On the romance side though, Ashton is the sexy bad boy (complete with daddy issues and emotional problems) who threatens to kick the ass of anyone who looks at his girl wrong.

Overall, the first 40 chapters or so are pretty good. You fall for Ashton, you squeal when he kicks ass for you and you blush when he admits his feelings. He’s the underdog in life that you find yourself routing for. The story also includes the forming of 5 Seconds of Summer in it’s own way which is pretty cool.

Major Issues:
– Every time a major, plot twisting horrible problem occurs, they some how get their way out unscathed. This is unrealistic and although as a reader, you want them to get away with shit, it isn’t believable when it actually happens.
– The main characters dad is obviously abusing her mom (like, figured that shit out 10 chapters in) and she’s so wrapped up in her own pathetic world that she doesn’t notice. It’s really annoying.
– The men are all pussy’s. Luke tells off a bully for “being so mean to him” all the time. I’m sorry, no man talks like that. And Ashton fucking cries all the time because his step-dad was an asshole. Not cute!
-The spelling and grammar are fucking atrocious. ‘defidently’ throughout the ENTIRE book. Resume is spelled ‘resamay’. Not to mention all the awkwardly phrased sentences.

So #HonestyHour I never finished it. I got to chapter 75/97, but I couldn’t handle the crying anymore. There’s nothing I hate more than a whiny male character. Get pissed and break shit, don’t cry!
I do, however, attribute my obsession with Michael Clifford to this story, who is shown as a cool, idgaf, asshole through most of the book.

Liquid Meals && Laxatives

Being over the age of 21 is awesome. All those people who claim high school was the best years of their life, obviously got knocked up right afterwards. Early 20’s are full of drinking, shopping, and being responsible for no one but yourself. Add living in LA to the equation and you basically have every red-neck teen mothers dream life.

So one of the perks to living in LA? TV TAPINGS! You know all those family sitcoms, talk shows, and reality competitions you like to watch on TV? Well basically, getting tickets to sit in the audience for them, is free. Calm down, it’s not as exciting as it seems.

First you have to sign up on a website and register for tickets to see the shows you’re interested in. You’re added to a waiting list, and receive an email anywhere from 1 week to 3 hours before the taping begins.

Next, you have to dress up. If you come in looking like shit, they either put you in the back where you can’t see (and more importantly, can’t be seen) or they turn you away completely.

Then you have to find your way, in LA traffic, to some remote industrial building where they haul you in like cattle. Thirty minute show? Expect to be standing for three hours, ready to clap and scream on cue.

If you’re lucky, you might get to wave to whoever the celebrity guest is.

And every once in a great fucking while, there are prizes. I recently went to one of these “audience prize” tapings, and won tickets to the 2014 VMA’s!  (You’re jealous, I know!)

Priority pit tickets right next to the stage where Michael Cliffords sweat can drip all over my post-pubescent chest! (if only) Sounds great right? Right!

Except… WHAT THE FUCK do I wear? As much as I love to pretend that I live this glamorous LA life style, my daily attire consists of old band shirts and headbands. I have a couple (12) short skanky club-attire dresses, but I can’t NOT wear heals with them, and I’m not standing in heals for 8 hours in a pit full of 2000 people shoving me so they too can experience 5SoS fluids. (I’m actually quite realistic that I’m probably the only person over the age of 15 whose going to even care that they’re there).

So my bestie and I went dress shopping, and, despite my recent 30lb weight loss, everything looks like shit on me! I can at least partially blame the sales lady who insisted on pulling me mediums in contempt of my pleads for a large. In the end, I finally settled on a black and white, cleavage showing dress.

My boobs look great, really, but alas, I still need to lose another 10lbs. So here’s to liquid meals and laxatives for the next 5 days!

#AdultDirectionerProblems

Getting Started…

Do you ever have those days where you’re feeling extra creative and ambitious? You have all these great plans that just might change your life (or at the very least, the layout of your bedroom), and you get about half way through exercising them only to realize that you don’t have either the energy nor the skill level your thought when you first came up with the idea? Well that’s basically the start of this blog. I purchased this domain name about 2 years ago – and never used it. And now here I am, begging wordpress to let me change it rather than being forced to pay for a new one. And who knows, this blog may just be another half-assed idea that I’ll give up on once I start the next episode of Awkward.

I’ve been writing fan fiction for about 3 months now, and I absolutely love writing. But I have so much more on my mind that doesn’t belong in a story, and doesn’t fit in 140 characters on Twitter, so, I thought I’d put this ‘solid investment’ to use. Hopefully the ramblings of my head are interesting enough to want to read, and if not, well, I’m already paying for this shit so I’m gonna write it anyway.